Secret Garden

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Untold Truths

Written 01-02-06

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    If someone painted a picture like this, I'd think "Those clouds don't even look real!  You never see clouds like that!"  Cool, pic, huh?

I soooo did not want to go to work this morning.  Brock called at quarter to four this morning and woke me up.  Have some decency, son, don't call and wake me up at o'dark thirty.  He wanted to know if his dad could come pick him up from work.  "Now?!? He's sleeping," (you inconsiderate little bugger!) I explain, exasperated.  He says, too chipper for me at three forty five, "Ohhhh! OK, Mom.  I'll walk home.  Love you!"  and he hangs up.  Of course, when I answered the phone I knocked my alarm clock off the night stand, it clanked and clattered (loudly!) and woke up Hub, so he heard the conversation, or at least my half.  (The "Now?!?  He's sleeping!")  He was thinking it was one of Bryce's friends or something.

    So we are both wide awake, and feeling guilty, and mad.  Hub had to take him to work yesterday afternoon.  Surely he knew he'd need a ride home, why didn't he mention it?  Hub was off today, so he had stayed up pretty late last night.  I'm fuming because my son was so inconsiderate, and also because I know Hub is going to go pick him up, and Brock won't be there, because he's either found a way home or is actually walking.  (It's probably ten miles from work to his apartment, at least!)  I couldn't go back to sleep, and sure as sunshine, Brock was no where to be found.

Kids.  Geeeeshhhh!

Pebbles and I had a good lunch today.  (She's the Asian body work therapist.)  I brought homemade split pea soup, and Doc left for the day so it was just the two of us.  Journals came up in conversation, and she asked if I had ever kept one.  I explained I had kept a journal since I was in fifth grade, but had recently thrown them all away.  The first journals were childish, of course, and the journals written during the period of my life when they should have/could have/would have been "juicy" were all written in code, just in case anyone found them.  (i.e. my boyfriend Rick and I called cigarettes "grape soda" and heaven only knows what "Bubblicious" was, but it was referenced A LOT!  I know we weren't talking about the gum!)  Anyway, I told her I could never ever keep a REAL journal, because I would never ever, ever want anyone to know *I* had those thoughts.  Whatever they may be, secrets, dreams, desires, anger, disappointment.  Heaven forbid anyone find out I am just a normal human being with "those things" running through my mind.  She said she was the same way, she couldn't write being her true self, either.  I must admit, I was a little relieved.  I thought I was the only one who used flowery self written poetry, secret words and out and out code to keep a journal.

    I wonder if I put any of my old poetry in this journal, if anyone would pick up on the hidden meaning behind the words.  Ah, teenage angst.  I was full of it.

    The whole conversation made me want to start a REAL journal.  Not tell anyone about it.  Write what I REALLY feel, and think, and experience.  Written, or online, I am considering it.  I do tell Duke anything and everything, but it's not the same as writing it all down, is it?  (We have to be friends forever, she knows too much about me!)

    Something to think about, anyway.

    Today Doc and I wrote up my 'script for my three month check up with my PCP.  I always write up my lab order, have Doc sign it and bring it to the lab, so I don't have to call my PCP's assistant, leave a message, wait for her to call back, request my labs, fast for 12 hours, go to the lab only to find my labs were not called in, go to my PCP's office, request the labs, go back and wait in the lab, only to not have them called in again.  You get the idea.  Anyhoo, we added on BMP (to check electrolytes) and a FSH and TH to check my hormone levels and see if I am really in menopause or not, plus my regular diabetic check up tests, and thyroid tests.  There's like nine tests all together, I hope I have enough blood.

Thought of the Day:

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.



  • At Saturday, January 07, 2006 1:23:00 AM, Blogger ChasingMoksha said…

    I usually write what I feel and right now I am sensing a backlash for the whole mother bit. I really wish people in general would not take things so personal.

    Poor Brock. He wanted a ride home, and he knew how to turn on the guilt. Have you heard from him? I hope so.

    Hope the test work results come back fine.


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